How to make you known??

There are many ways to define communication. The simplest definition is simply to “make known.” Another definition is “to give or interchange thoughts, feelings, information, or the like, by writing, speaking, signs, etc.” To me, communication is making connections. Take Helen Keller for instance. She wasn’t able to communicate until she learned to connect objects with words. But she didn’t stop there. Despite the fact that her physical senses may have been limited, she used her whole self to make connections with others.

Those are the connections that are the foundation for effective communication. It is part of a cycle: The more you connect with people, the stronger your communication becomes; the stronger your communication, the better you connect with people. So how do you go about strengthening those connections? By spreading value and by concentrating on what you can add to a situation, as opposed to what you can get from it. When you do this, you find that people are more receptive to you, they want to listen to you, be with you, and work with you because of the value you’re adding.

Most of the time, we think of communication as talking. I talk to you, you talk back to me—we’re communicating. But to me, there is a larger definition of communication that has to do with seeing your place in the world. To me, communication is a threefold process.

It begins with a deep and rich understanding of the environment in which we live—an open, ongoing awareness of everything around you so that you are able to take advantage of every situation in which you find yourself. Second, it is a deep and rich understanding of the people around you, your contacts and connections, so that you may bring value to them. And third, it is delivering that value.

Step 1: Understand your environment. Communication is most effective when undertaken from a strong vantage point, when you have the highest awareness of what is going on around you. As Ming-Dao Deng says in his book, 365 Tao: Daily Meditations, “…a wise person who lives high in the mountains and who is not blinded by…intellectuality, poor health or greed, will be better able to see events in the distance than one who lives in a closed room, eyes on some obscure project. A storm does not happen abruptly, it takes hours, sometimes days to develop. Travelers do not arrive suddenly. They can be seen in the distance. Knowing things in advance is possible with a high vantage point.” A practical interpretation of that passage means that it’s critical to “work from the mountaintop.”

Here’s an example of how this works. I have a product that I’m marketing. I want to connect with a particular company even though I don’t know anyone there. I start at the top, and call CEO of that company first. I explain my reason for calling, and she likes what she hears.

She says, “I want you to call my vice president of product development. I give the green light, but I want him to look into this.” I say I would, but first I ask her, “What are some of the challenges your company is going through, and what is your overall goal?” She tells me what her company is trying to accomplish, and what challenges they face.

Now that this vision is communicated to me, I can speak to the vice president of product development with a focused understanding of the company’s vision and how my product can help them reach their goals. My communication becomes much stronger when the link comes from people who have a bigger picture of what’s going on. Obviously, the CEO has the clearest view of how the company works. By starting from that position, I am working from the strongest vantage point.

Step 2: Understand the people around you. Focus on other people’s goals and challenges. You’ll be amazed at the many ways you find you can be of service to others. Simply by really listening to the other person, you are strengthening your connection and building rapport. It creates a comfort level that enables communication to be relaxed and natural. That caring and connection will always come back to you in the circle of things, without you having to ask.

Step 3: Deliver the value. Follow through on actions you said you’d take. If you promised to introduce someone to another person in your circle, do so. If you find a magazine article or book that might be of interest, recommend it (or send it directly to them). Write thank you notes. Do whatever you can to be true to your word and your purpose.

 

10 Tips Toward Better Communication

1. Throw it back. Have you ever noticed—or even participated in— verbal vomiting? It happens a lot at parties. Here’s an example: Person A sees Person B (someone she hasn’t seen in a while) and thinks, “I have to tell him what I’ve been going through, all the things that have been going on in my life.” And Person A begins to spew forth all her news. As Person A is speaking, she is leaning forward. Person B is leaning back, listening to this, all the while thinking about all the “stuff” he wants to talk about too. So the verbal vomiting continues.

We’ve all seen this happen, and most of us have participated in it at one time or another. Sometimes, however, it’s better to take yourself out of the equation. Stop talking about yourself. Make brief statements and then throw the conversation back to the other person. It’s difficult because we all like to talk about ourselves. But once in a while, it’s good to explore what other people have to say, to get beneath the surface. Then when you decide to really say something, you’ve had more time to digest what the other person has said. Based on that information, you may find mutually interesting topics of conversation, rather than the competition of verbal vomiting.

2. Parroting. Often, just giving someone your undivided attention will make him or her feel important. Concentrate on discovering what concerns them most at this moment, and then let them know you understand those concerns and that you’ll do your best to help alleviate them. You can do this by using a technique I call parroting. It’s a subtle way of getting people to expand their thoughts. For instance, in a sales situation, a conversation might go like this:

CUSTOMER: Our biggest concern right now is getting into new markets

REP: New markets?

CUSTOMER: Yes. We're going into two new areas, one where we've never  had a rep before, and one where we've had problems in the past.

REP: Problems in the past?

CUSTOMER: When we went out there last time...

 

 

 

Of course, you don’t use this technique after every sentence, but it is a signal to the other person that you’re really listening to what he or she is saying and that you’re interested to know more. The goal is to show that you’re interested in expanding on something the person is interested in or challenged by, so that you get depth and understanding of what they are dealing with. The more you know about them, the more value you can add to your relationship.

3. Expand and rephrase. Have you ever noticed that someone is speaking to you, and you can’t remember what they’ve just said? There are times when we hear no more than two words out of a sentence, or two sentences out of a story. It might be because we’re preoccupied with our own thoughts, or it might be because we don’t really understand what the other person is saying.

Keep yourself on track by rephrasing what the other person just tried to communicate to you. You might say, “Let me see if I understand what you’re saying…” Then you rephrase or paraphrase what they’ve just said. This accomplishes two things. First, it shows that you’ve been listening. Second, it guards against communication breakdown. Many sales have been lost and relationships severed because of miscommunication. You said this, she said that, and neither really understood what the other one meant. Restating the information you have just heard can be a powerful way to make sure you’re both on the same page.

4. Listen to other people’s goals and challenges. Recently, I was at business meeting trying to help two groups of people connect with each other. For some reason, they could not seem to find common ground. Finally, I asked one of the parties, “What are the three most important goals for your company right now?” He told us his three goals. The other parties questions were now totally focused on that criteria. Communication is so much stronger when you make a connection to other people’s needs and to what’s important to them. When someone sees the effort you have made to understand the criteria to elevate their success, you elevate your own at the same time.

5. Add passion to the equation. Passion and enthusiasm are contagious. You can’t communicate if no one is paying attention, and nothing grabs attention so much as someone who is truly excited about something. Let your passion come through in your voice and your gestures. Find other people who are passionate about what they do, and who communicate that passion to others. Study their methods of communication, and emulate their positive approach to life.

6. Communicate with yourself. I carry a tape recorder with me wherever I go. When I have a thought, see something interesting, or want to remind myself about a task I need to do, I record it on tape. It not only reminds me of the things I have to do, it reminds me of what I was thinking at the time. So if I think, “Call Jack to set up a lunch date. Be sure to tell him the idea about a television series for his client,” I record it, and then add more details and ideas I have. Then, when I play back the tape, I have a strong purpose and some good ideas that might have ‘escaped’ my consciousness if I didn’t record it immediately. It helps make my communication even stronger.

7. Clear your mind and be in the moment. We make mistakes when we lose concentration, when we let our minds drift away and stop paying attention. You can reflect upon the past and dream about the future when you’re out of your current situation, but while you’re in it, keep your focus sharp and to the point. This is not always easy to accomplish; we’ve got a lot on our minds. When your attention drifts, you stop listening to people, you make errors in judgment, and you lose sight of your goals. When your concentration is strong, however, you are so focused that nothing can distract you from communicating clearly and effectively.

8. Be yourself. In one of my earlier incarnations as a sales manager, I would often travel around with a rep to see how he was doing. It always amazed me when a rep with a dynamic personality and a good sense of humor would get in front of a customer—I’d wonder what happened to the person I saw just outside the door. The personality and the humor seemed to disappear because the rep thought he had to talk or behave in a particular way. The truth is, he would have been much more successful just being himself. If you’re not comfortable with who you are, other people won’t be either.

9. Make eye contact. The eyes, as you know, are the windows to the soul. There’s no better way to tell what a person is feeling than by looking into that person’s eyes. Do it when you’re listening, and when you’re speaking as well, especially when you want to make an important point. If you’re speaking to a group, pick someone in the audience and make eye contact with that one person. Then move to another person, and another so that you’re making a broad connection with everyone there.

10. Listen to others as if you had to present their ideas to a group. When Colin Powell spoke to people at the cocktail party before his speech, he had to pay attention to what they were telling him so that he could use their information at the podium. What if you had to use the information someone was presenting in a speech of your own? Are you paying attention? Do you understand what they’re saying and what they really mean? Just see how your ability to focus and listen effectively changes when you imagine yourself in this situation.